Some background: My folks are old. My mom is 79 and my dad is 83. We (the family) moved to Florida from New York in 1962, so we all consider ourselves “Floridians.” Both parents have health issues, and my dad has been on the decline for the last couple of years. Dad naps a lot on the porch, and my mom reads voraciously while watching reruns of Bones on TV. The folks seem happy in their retirement, my dad loves his new HDTV; mom love’s outings to the library and Wal-Mart.
I have never heard my mom this angry, well at least not since she found that roach in the ash tray of my Camaro when I was 19:
Me: Hey Mom, how’s everything? How’s Dad?
Mom: Everything is ok. He’s asleep on the front porch again.
Me: I had the gardener/handy man guy Walter here today to clean the gutters and do some weeding. He took out the last of the bushes that Cosmo killed.
Mom: That’s good that you got everything cleaned up. Tell Cosmo to quit pissing on the bushes.
Me: Yeah, mom. I’ll do that.
Mom: Have you been following the oil spill on the news? Can you FREAKING believe this shit? [Ohhhh. My MOM said SHIT!] The latest news this morning they said that they might not get the well capped until FREAKING CHRISTMAS! Every time I see it on the news, I want to throw up it makes me so upset. WHAT THE FREAK is wrong with BP that they can’t figure out how to fix this damned thing? The beaches in Pensacola are about to be ruined forever and ever with all of this oil coming ashore and I want to SCREAM!
Me: I know, mom, I feel the same way. Every time I see it on TV, it makes me nauseous.
Mom: There are no BP stations in our town, but your father and I are going to go to the next town over and set up a picket line so we can tell BP how upset we are! I mean SERIOUSLY! I’m so upset over this I could scream, so I told your dad, “Let’s go picket the BP station down the road!” And he said he would go with me, so I’m thinking about going tomorrow to set up with a HUGE FREAKING sign that tells BP just how I feel about them. They are ruining the Gulf of Mexico for so many years to come, I could cry!
Me: Mom, you know that the BP gas stations are franchises and that they’re not owned by BP, so if you picket or boycott them, the real person who is going to get hurt is the station owner, not BP.
Mom: I DON’T FREAKING CARE! They need to know that we’re upset with them, and how better to do it than by not buying gas from them? BP SUCKS!
Me: Ok, mom. If you go to picket, make sure you take some cold water along, and don’t forget daddy’s walker in case he gets tired.
Mom: Smart ass.