My 78-year-old mother called me yesterday, and this is the way the phone conversation went:
Mom: yada yada yada yada yada.
Me: yada yada
Mom: Ok. Yada yada. Want to hear something really freaky?
Me: Sure mom. What’s so freaky down there in Florida?
Mom: Well. Last night your dad and I were watching tv in the family room (really?) and I saw something out of the corner of my eye over by your dad’s feet. It moved.
Me: Really? What was it?
Mom: Well. It was really weird. I said to your dad “Gerry, what is that on the floor by your feet?” And your dad says, “I don’t know it looks like a little animal of some sorts.” So, I said “Gerry, pick it up and see what it is.” And, your dad says “No freaking way. It looks wet.” So, I went over and we both bent down to see what it was and it was a little bunny rabbit about 4-inches long! And, it was alive. So, I said to your dad, “Its a bunny rabbit.” And, your dad says, “No freakin way! What the hell is a bunny rabbit doing in the family room?”
Me (I laughed)
Mom: So you think its funny? Ok. Get this. Your dad scooped the bunny rabbit up on a piece of cardboard and we both went outside and he put it on the other side of the fence back where the bushes are on Uncle Joe’s property.
Me: Ok. So that was weird. I wonder how the rabbit got in the house?
Mom: Well, it gets even freakier! This morning, I got up and let the dog out and then came in to get washed and dressed and to help your dad get up and dressed, and I left the door open on the patio for Misty so she could come back in without barking for me. When we were all ready for breakfast, I came out into the living room and I looked down and there was another little brown bunny rabbit in the middle of the living room floor!
Me: Holy crap!
Mom: Yeah! Right? Only thing was, this one was deader-than-a-doornail. So by now, I’m totally freaking out and I can’t imagine where the hell these rabbits are coming from. Is there a momma rabbit in the house? Did it get in when the doors were open and then it had its babies under the couch or something?
Me: Well. I’m not so sure about that. Don’t you think that Misty would have seen or heard them if they were in the house?
Mom: But wait. It gets better. After I threw away the dead rabbit, we had our breakfast and watched the news and read the newspaper. After a little while, I got up to go pee. And guess what? There was another freakin dead baby rabbit in the middle of the living room floor!
Me: Your kidding, right?
Mom: No! So I picked the second dead rabbit up and threw it away, and your dad and I decided to do a walk around the house to see if we could figure out where the rabbits are getting in.
Mom: Well! You know the hibiscus bushes in the side yard by the gate? It looks like something has dug a huge hole under the hibiscus and its leaning to the right and there are piles of sand all over the yard. So, I’m thinking that the rabbits were under the hibiscus bushes and then got in the house when the doors were open.
Me: Mom. I know you don’t want to think about this, but you know Misty? Your Golden Retriever dog? I bet SHE dug them up and then brought them in the house to play with them, or to give them to you and dad as trophies.
Mom: You think so? I can’t imagine Misty doing anything like that. She doesn’t even chase the rabbits in the yard anymore.
Me: Yep. Mom. You have a rabbit killer on your hands!
Mom: Oh no! (Mom yells at my dad, “Gerry, your daughter thinks that Misty is the culprit and that she dug up the rabbits and brought them in the house,” to which my dad yells back “No freakin way. Not MY dog. She’d never do anything like that. Now if Clover was here …. “)
Me: Ok mom. I’ll call you on Sunday.