Have you ever wondered about the crap that you see lying along the highway? Or the trash that you see curbside? Or anywhere else you might pass on a daily basis?
I think about these things all the time.
A while back, I pulled into a parking spot at the local grocery store and when I got out of the car, “I spied” a man’s toupé! It was a blondish-brown, and it looked like fresh road kill. That’s it. No explanation as to how it got there. Just a forlorn toupé. I wonder if the wind blew it off? Or the guy had had enough with gluing his hair to his big old bald head and threw it out the window? Sadly, we’ll never know.
I am constantly spying things along the highway, too. Last week, along the Jersey barrier that separates the East- and West-bound lanes of I-66, was a suitcase. It was a nice suitcase the first day that I saw it, by the end of the week, it was still there, but had been hit, run over, battered and nearly flattened. A few days after that, the contents were strewn along the barrier. I feel for the skinny little brat that is missing her pink Victoria’s Secret push-up bra.
Just today, on the way to work, was the local WTOP news reporter, who, in a deadpan voice said something like “Everyone traveling South-bound on I-95, near Exit XYZ, please be aware of debris in the right-hand lane. There are stuffed toys and doll parts everywhere.” And, at that point, he just kept reading off the accidents, and work zones around the Beltway. Seriously! You can’t make this crap up. Can you imagine the poor non-WTOP listening folk that came upon the scene of toys and doll parts strewn across the highway? Heart attack city!
When you have dogs, you tend to notice garbage a lot. I’m always on the lookout for a putrid piece of food that escaped from the garbage can, broken glass, and anything else that my dogs might sniff, lick, or munch down. Remember, they’re Labrador Retrievers. They’ll eat anything.
In Scotland a few years ago, Clover and I were out for a walk in what I had thought to be a pretty rural and serene location. Well, I guess I was right about the serene part because the amount of used condoms that I spotted made me believe we had happened upon the local Lover’s Lane. Ever try to lecture a dog on the difference between a condom and a balloon? Yuck.
How about the poor, unsuspecting guy with a pickup truck who has been talked into helping his friend’s brother’s girlfriend move across town. “Hey, friend, no need to tie anything down, we’re only going a few miles down the road.” And, at that point, a swift wind comes along and blows half of the truck’s contents onto the highway. Have you ever seen what an 18-wheeler can do to a king-sized box spring? It’s not pretty. And, it wasn’t pretty as I swerved to miss the flattened remains lying in the middle of I-95 either.
But, these are. You just never know what you’ll spot along the highway.