I had an MRI last week. I’m pretty sure it was my first MRI, because I surely would remember if I had ever experienced something like that before. I asked to book for an “Open MRI” but when I got there, I was told the “Open” machine was “Closed” for maintenance and would I want to reschedule? or, perhaps go ahead with the regular MRI? Reschedule? Get up at 6:00 a.m. again on purpose? No thanks. Let’s get this show on the road.
First, let me tell you a secret: I am a Big Fluffy Woman, and MRI machines are not made for Big Fluffy Women. I felt like a giant human sausage all squashed up in that contraption. Lying on my back, panic buton in my left hand and nothing to do with my right hand, I clasped my hands and tried to relax. I had on earphones so I could hear the technician and listen to some really crappy music, and try to block out the REALLY LOUD sounds the machine was going to make.
The technician came on the earphones and said in a very calm voice, “Are you ready? Yes? Ok. This first scan will take about 45 seconds.” I’m thinking, “This is not too bad, just relax and remember to breathe and not move your head and ignore that FREAKING LOUD NOISE.” Just then, the machine starts up, and I experience a zinging shock that starts in one hand and zooms around my shoulders, down the arm and ends in my other hand! PANIC PANIC PANIC.
The voice says in a calm voice, “What’s the matter?”, to which I yell, “Woah! I’m getting shocked!”, and the technician says “Unclasp your hands, you are creating a closed circuit, that’s why you are getting shocked.” Ok, now, don’t you think that that is something they should have told me before stuffing me into that tube?
After the procedure, I went out to the waiting area which was by now filled with future human sausages. Lots of people looking at me, a couple smiled, a few looked away. It was strange, and I wasn’t sure what was up. Were my clothes on backwards? Did the MRI machine turn me purple? When I got to the car, looked in the rearview mirror as I pulled out of the spot, and realized what everyone was looking at!